PO BOX Problem.

Our PO Box address isn't working:-(

We were just informed that they have been returning our mail!!

Please email me if you are needing our address to send a donation for 

BECKETT BEARS!!

Mail

I was informed that some mail had been sent back that was sent to our P.O. Box address.  I am so very sorry for this inconvenience.  I talked with the post office and they didn't know that "Beckett Bears" should have been the name on the P.O. Box.  Everything is NOW fixed!  Thanks again to everyone for your donations!!

Long Over Due

Sitting here and typing this I still can't believe that he would be TWO.  So much time as slipped away...so much time I have missed out on.  Preparing for this birthday was very different than last year.  Last year...was...hard.  February and March I spent EVERY day crying...wounded...scared to what his day would be or become.  I didn't handle ANYTHING well.  Talking about what to do on that day was too much for me to handle.  I spent so much time on my knees in complete agony over celebrating my "WOULD BE" one year old son - but without him.  I can still remember the amount of pain. 

This year I spent most of the weeks leading up to his birthday either thinking about or working hard on Beckett Bears (which I think totally saved me).  So there was really no build up.  I had planned his birthday months ago - exactly what I wanted to do all day long. 

I woke up on Saturday a mess.  I could hardly get through showering without blubbering all over.  Once Jed got home from work that morning, I was stressed.  The first thing that we were doing was donating Beckett Bears to the hospital.  I thought I would have been in a better mood. All I wanted was my baby boy here.  As we arrived at the hospital, we took pictures...I did not really talk to anyone.  This was harder than I expected.  As each child began to grab some bears to carry - the adults began to pick up the big boxes of bears...hearing the kid's laughing and so excited to give these bears to the hospital - I smiled.  As we walked into the hospital and were greeted with such warmth and excitement I forgot that I was so sad - this was something special to do in honor of Beckett.  I was so excited to give these woman - who have such a hard job, they are the ones that are with these broken hearted families - our BECKETT BEARS.  This experience was AMAZING.  I felt so much peace and happiness at providing these bears for this hospital.  The hospital that tried so hard that day to give my son back to me - the hospital that provided me with a special bear - my BECKETT BEAR.  

We took the bears up to a room - talking with the nurses, taking pictures.  As I walked out of that hospital - the same door that I left the day he died (a door that I still had never walked through until that moment) I realized how happy I was.  We did this for Beckett - this experience made my day SO much better.  It reminded me why I was doing this project to being with - I wanted to provide this hospital with something that they so kindly gave me and to hopefully provide another mother and family with something that will NEVER replace what they lost BUT receive something that they can hold, squeeze and/or think about their child.  I am so excited to start collecting more bears for my second drop off on August 9th.

March 2012 Tagging Party

We got the bears tagged!!   Huge pressure off my back!!  Thanks so much to the Young Women in multiple wards around my area.  It was fast...clean...and quick!  It would have taken me hours upon hours to finish this alone!  I have to say that it was intimidating getting up in front of a bunch of teenage girls to tell my story of Beckett.  I was nervous...my mom psyched me out from the beginning...she kept telling me to relax and don't cry, which in return made me start crying before I even had to speak...then I forgot to bring my typed out story in case I did really lose it...so I then forgot most of what to say BUT interesting enough I had a hard time telling these INNOCENT girls that babies die...I actually couldn't get the words out.  I guess I didn't want to burst their bubble that these BAD things DO happen to people, it just isn't in the movies.  

But my speech was over quick enough and we were onto getting everything tagged, boxed and ready to take to the hospital.  I still cannot believe that my baby would have been 2 years old.  I am so glad that I have this project to focus on...because it has been pretty difficult at times realizing that more time has just slipped away since I was with him.

Thank you Young Women of the Boulder Stake!!
I had hoped that my own kids would help but...I think they were playing tag in the gym with other kids that were where that night.

    

Ordering Bears Online

Since we are planning on continuing to accept Bears and have decided to make another donation on August 9th.  I thought that I would post the website where we found the BEST bears and they have many different sizes, colors, shapes, etc.  So if you would rather donate by purchasing the bears yourself through this website please do!  You can have the bears shipped to our P.O. Box address posted on the sidebar of this blog.  

If you have any other questions please email me.  Thank you to all those that have already donated bears, money or their time to make this nonprofit possible!!

MS Bears - Click Here.

Bears that we have purchased - Click Here.

Local Newspaper

Read it HERE.

Our nonprofit was featured in our local newspaper.  The article is amazing and the journalist did a great job describing our journey.  Please read it!

Questions Answered - No Empty Arms

People have been asking WHY hospitals do this...give out Bears to Mother's that have just lost a child.  Thinking of it...it does seem silly.  BUT what it comes down to...is their principal:

A Mother's arms should NOT leave empty.

I have already admitted that when they handed this Bear to me...I didn't want it.  I wanted to THROW IT.  I mean...I just had to hand over the most precious part of me - to a stranger - and I "get" to walk out of the hospital holding a teddy bear.  That night - walking out of the hospital - was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, my feet were dragging - I could have held Beck longer - no time was long enough.  Jed and I didn't talk.  We drove silently home - Bear still in my arms.  At this point, looking back, I am not sure why I was still holding it.  We walked into the house.  Sat on the couch.  Starred into space - wondering if this was really happening.  Did my baby really die...or was this all a dream that I so desperately wanted to wake up from...for days really, I wondered this.

Moments later laying down in bed.  Crying.  Still holding that bear.  In between minutes of sleep (mostly from exhaustion) I cried into Jed - crying out my son's name.  That Bear was still in my arms.  The next morning I placed it on my dresser and Beck's hat was sitting there - slowly I placed his hat nicely on this Bear's head.  That hat has never left his head.  

For months I didn't touch that Bear - even had a hard time looking at it.  I kept telling Jed that I needed to pack it away with the rest of Beck's stuff but it still never got moved.  I thought I really didn't care about it- it was just something that someone had given me on the worst day of my life.

Probably 9 months after Beck's death I walked into my room and that Bear was moved - knocked over and on the floor.  Freaking out inside I ran over to grab it and place it back in that spot until I noticed that one of the other kids had gotten toothpaste on it.  Yelling for Jed to come clean him - with tears in my eyes as I watched Jed clean the Bear up while telling me that it was 'okay.'  That day I realized that this Bear wasn't just any Bear...it was MY Bear, My Beckett Bear.  From that moment on I let the kid's hold him - they all have since wanted a "Beckett Bear" of their own, to wear one of Beck's smallest outfits.  

My Bear was one of the first things that I placed in my bedroom when we moved a year later - back on my dresser to watch over us as we pass by him daily - sometimes hourly - but I can look at the bear and think of my Sweet Beckett.  It is no longer a reminder of that horrible day BUT a symbol of my baby boy, wearing his hat.

That is why these Bears are so special.  My Bear may have not meant much in the beginning but he has become so special to our family.